I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
COCAINE IS GR8
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
