Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
