If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
