Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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