At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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