Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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