I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
