I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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