Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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