So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
