do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
