Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
