He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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