last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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