I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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