Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's just like the Real World with babies
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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