You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
