I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
