I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
