You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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