Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize