I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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