Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
