The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fuck appropriateness.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
