I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
