i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
