i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just threw up on my dentist
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
