I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
