According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
