if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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