i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
