Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
