I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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