Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Who died my cat blue again?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
