Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
