I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
