You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
