ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
