I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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