As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
