I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
