that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
