dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
