bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
