So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
