I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
