Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
