Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
