wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
