I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
