babies were throwing up all over the place
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
