meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
