im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
