Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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