I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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