then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
