Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
