so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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