how can u be prego again
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
