Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
