OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
