I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I came so hard my ears popped.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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