We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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