I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
