I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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