While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
