Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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