You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
