Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
