I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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