i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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