Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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