you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize