she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize