This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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