Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
