shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize