It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
