I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
