bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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