Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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