I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
