Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
