Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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