Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
